Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

Praise be to Google, our guide in the dark. Our answer to all questions (literally).

Google is merciful, Google is just.

What Google giveth, Google then must giveth more - because Google is a company and needs your sales.

That’s why we must all join hands (just this one time) and give thanks. 

Because Google has finally done something that is almost as useful as the search engine itself.

Indeed, this Tuesday, Google announced a new search feature that will allow us all to monitor when businesses are most busy.

What does this mean? A revolution.

No longer shall we wait in lines at Starbucks.

No longer shall we be late to work because we thought there would be no line at the bank.

No longer shall paying a traffic ticket take a million hours at the courthouse.

No longer will your one hour lunch break be spoiled by the bratty children ahead of you in the queue that take a half hour to decide which brownie they want.

WE ARE NOW ALL FREE.

Google has once again given us the freedom of knowledge.

All location cards in Google search will now also include a “popular time” section, alongside the address, phone number, website and hours of operation.

Based on “historical visits to this place”, users of the great One can monitor when the specific location they are googling is most likely to be busiest, based on former activity.

To do so, just use google (yes, it’s so simple). Then hit the very clearly labeled “more about” at the bottom of the location card so that you can see the also very clearly labeled “popular times” panel. Simply swipe through said panel in order to estimate the heaviest times of foot traffic, every day, hour-by-hour.

Although this blessed graph does not give specific numbers, it will tell you which days and times you should say “hell no” to, and that’s where the importance lies.

This beautiful development is already available on Google’s Android app, and from searches on Chrome or Safari on iOS.

Praise be, children. Google has restored my faith.