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This Is A Rude Awakening

Ejector Bed, thy name is pure evil
This Is A Rude Awakening © 2017 YouTube

This villian wants to break up the most sacred of relationships in your life: the relationship between you, and your bed. 

I would say, for dramatic effect, “I don’t know who he is or where he comes from -” but he is YouTuber Colin Furze from the UK.

And he is the devil.

Technically, he is the devil/an inventor.

But focus! This villian wants to break up the most sacred of relationships in your life: the relationship between you, and your bed.

Because if you are one of the 7 billion human beings on this planet with a soul, you hate waking up in the mornings. And you know what Furze did? He made a “High Voltage Ejector Bed”. That’s not just a rude awakening, frankly, it’s criminal.

He made a “High Voltage Ejector Bed”. That’s not just a rude awakening, frankly, it’s criminal.

He should be ashamed of himself. Why would he go build something that every deranged mother will buy for her willful, sleepy (angel) of a teenager? For that matter, who is he actually marketing this to?

As a willful sleepyhead myself (hardly a teenager, though), I understand not waking up in the morning, but I would never subject myself to this morning torture as a way to combat said sleepiness. Instead, I do what every other millennial does: work a freelance job, that allows my work schedule to occur in the afternoons and well into the evening.

I’m not going to go throwing myself out of bed in the morning, like a crazy person! That’s like ejecting yourself from a moving vehicle. No sane person does that, especially on a daily basis.

Furze is awfully pleased with himself, considering all he did was remodel a Murphy bed (which interestingly, is a death contraption that folds into the wall and eats you) into a bed that folds out from the wall and spits you out, wounded in your most tender, sensitive time. Apparently, it has an air compressor that powers two pistons (that’s right, guns, people - this is violent!) which push the bed forward at a specifically set speed. He also added lights (!!!) and trumpet noises (!!!). Who is this man, and what does he have against a goodnight’s sleep? Sheer evil, I tell you. I want to petition the Queen!

Worse, apparently this evil contraption took only two weeks to make. This is a problem, people. It could be that other evil spirits take it upon themselves to build similar evil machines, and then, BAM. Next thing you know, we won’t even ever be able to buy a regular bed again. This could become an epidemic. WE ARE ALL AT RISK.

As if answering my allegations of him being not human, Furze said, “Anyone who could still stay asleep when this goes off is not human”. Obviously, because only a not-human would make this!

I should mention, though, Furze has done some other equally dangerous projects. However, his other stuff is way cool and people should actually buy it: a jet-engined go kart (so much yes) or that time he set of 300 fireworks at the same time (epic).

Either way, guard your beds. This guy is out to get you.

 

 

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